rey

So, I changed my entire movement project the night before it was due. It just wasn't right. The song I had picked I was SO sure of, but then it wasn't telling the story that I wanted to. The song had basically come to me in a dream so I was so sure it was what I was supposed to use... but it wasn't. However, without this song as my original movement project, I would have never come up with the one that I presented in the end and I think that is all that matters. I think sometimes we think we are at our destination, but truly we're only half way there, and we have to trust that God (or whatever higher power), is leading us to a more fantastic final destination than we could have ever imagined. I think that is what happened to me when I moved to Logan. I had such a clear picture of what my life was going to be for the next four years, and even though it is not at all like I thought, it is so much better than I could've imagined. I am so grateful to be her...

The other day it hit me. Shockheaded Peter opens in two weeks and I've had only like 2 breakdowns about it. I feel so incredibly overwhelmed. I haven't done a show in over 3 years and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I am trying to be more specific about my character and why she's here. I understand the fundamentals. I understand what I want to do, but for some reason I can't seem to connect my brain to my body and that feels like a movement issue to me. So maybe it'll come with more time. I'm also really struggling finalizing my movement project. The whole thing feels wrong. So I might just have to scrap the entire thing. I know the story I want to tell, but like I said earlier I have a hard time connecting my movement to my brain. I'm going to spend most of the weekend trying to figure out how to share what I need to share. 

I am struggling I am feeling better about class, but I'm having a very hard time working on my movement project because I feel like I can't move. I'm having a very hard time being comfortable in my body and I'm not sure how to change that. I had a song picked for my movement project but I changed it because it was all wrong. My new song basically came to me in a dream and I feel much much happier about it, but I am still working on trying to perfect the story I want to tell, or am attempting to tell. My pain is getting better, but still not great. I start to feel better and then I push myself past my limits and end up right back where I started. I'm totally aware of this, but I can't stop being an idiot and just allowing my body to heal. I'm not sure if I am expecting to much and if I just am so focused on getting my body to do things that it physically is incapable of. body dysmorphia is a mother f*****. I want to be happy with my body and my p...

Week 3 of bum shoulder. I've spent hundreds of dollars in chiropractic appointments already and I'm constantly in pain. I wish I didn't have to sit out in classes. I hate sitting on the sidelines and watching. I wish my body could do what I wanted it to in a healthy way. I feel like I don't know what to write. I don't have much to say about my own personal progression, because I am not. I don't know how much I can learn from just watching people do somersaults and cartwheels. It's impossible to learn without doing it myself. WHY DID 16 YEAR OLD RACHEL DO IRRESPONSIBLE THINGS THAT CAUSED CURRENT ME SO MUCH PAIN. Thats all I have today.