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I wrote this on Friday sry

The other day it hit me. Shockheaded Peter opens in two weeks and I've had only like 2 breakdowns about it. I feel so incredibly overwhelmed. I haven't done a show in over 3 years and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I am trying to be more specific about my character and why she's here. I understand the fundamentals. I understand what I want to do, but for some reason I can't seem to connect my brain to my body and that feels like a movement issue to me. So maybe it'll come with more time. I'm also really struggling finalizing my movement project. The whole thing feels wrong. So I might just have to scrap the entire thing. I know the story I want to tell, but like I said earlier I have a hard time connecting my movement to my brain. I'm going to spend most of the weekend trying to figure out how to share what I need to share. 
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slow and steady

I'm slowly making progress I think. I am not as afraid. I'm still freaking afraid of a lot of things don't get me wrong. But I am getting better. I feel like shockheaded allowed me to explore a side of theatre I had never really experienced before and I am so grateful for that experience. I sometimes feel insecure about the work I did in that show, and I need to discover how to be able to accomplish the things in my work I want to accomplish so I can become the person and actor that I want to be. The next few months and into the summer I am going to do my best to work on myself spiritually, mentally and physically so I can jump into my sophomore year with the confidence that I wish I had right now. I feel like I have grown a lot this semester already and I am looking forward to whatever the rest of the semester has in store for me. So, spring break is going to hopefully revitalize me and help me gain back the momentum and energy I need to finish out the rest of the...
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better than that

I'm trying to figure out positivity. I've not been doing great at that. <- lol negative. I don't know why I constantly feel like giving up. I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now at this point in my life but I have a hard time getting over whatever mental block it is that seems to be holding me back from being the best version of myself. I guess I just need to continue to try new things and tactics to help propel my self forward. My mom thinks if I start horseback riding again that will help. I think a big chunk of my problems would be solved if I could just get back in shape, which I know. And it is easier said than done unfortunately.... but I am going to work my ass off this summer to get my self confidence to a good place and where it isn't holding me back from being successful in my work. I NEED TO BE BETTER I WANT TO BE BETTER I CAN BE BETTER. 
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