1/14/19

This has quite possibly been one of THE shittiest few weeks of my life. I fully intended for 2019 to be my year that I finally got it together, but HEY GUESS WHAT. It is the middle of January and I have cried almost everyday. Yup. Almost EVERYDAY.
For me I think whenever I try to finally get my life together the devil is just like "ah naw you ain't gonna do that"... and honestly that builds my self confidence. He is trying so <explicit> hard to get me to fail which must mean that I'm pretty <explicit> great and that I'm gonna do some great work in my life that'll get him in a lot of trouble. So ya. Screw Satan.
Anyway. Today I discovered that I really struggle at somersaults. like REALly. It's high key very embarrassing. I cried. You know. I guess I just have this mental block about it. and it goes way deeper than a freakin somersault. Its rooted in the very fact that I just feel so awful in my body. and I feel completely helpless. and I feel like have no control over it a lot of the time. I also struggle with social anxiety so the fact that a lot of my friends are WATCHING ME, A GROWN ASS WOMAN, NOT BEING ABLE TO SOMERSAULT just makes me very embarrassed for what I think is a valid reason.
After I sobbed in Jasons office and told him "I bet $100 I could go home and do this no problem" and guess what. I sure as hell did. Backwards, forwards, no problem. So thanks Jason, you owe me $100.
I'm not sure exactly what will help me get past this bizarre mental block of mine, but I hope that I'll be able to work through it and become the strong bad a$$ woman I KNOW I AM... deep down in there somewhere.
Okay friends. Wash your hands and say your prayers cause Jesus and germs are everywhere. okay BAIIII.

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